The Complaint: Anne Hathaway as Catwoman

Look, we want to see Anne Hathaway in a cat suit as much as the next guys — she's a wonderful, beautiful actress, and the Catwoman getup is second only to the Princess Leia bikini in the fantasy costume hall of fame. But we're afraid this is going to turn out to be one of those things that's better in theory, like chocolate beer, or sex on a beach, or Halle Berry in a cat suit. 

First off, Hathaway's got big — call 'em iconic — shoes to fill, namely Michelle Pfeiffer's kitten heels. And unlike Michelle Pfeiffer, who could star in a YouTube series if she cared to exist in this century, there's nothing particularly feline about Hathaway — not in the face or the gait or the intonation. Her intonation, as you will learn at the Oscars next month, is less villainous than vapid, more charming than disarming. And though she's proven her chops in a variety of genres (Anne Hathaway is a pharmaceutical rom-com pro if there ever one), there's this kind of lovable goofiness to her that's more doglike than catlike. And we mean that in the kindest possible way. 

But the real problem with this — because this is kind of a big deal — is the fantasy thing. Christopher Nolan, who'll be directing Hathaway in the third installment of his Batman series, The Dark Knight Rises, can't do sexy female characters, which Catwoman sorta has to be. His stories are cerebral parables about men and their choices. Women in his films tend to be butch or asexual (respectively, Hillary Swank in Insomnia and Ellen Paige in Inception). Nominally sexy characters, like Marion Cotillard in Inception or Scarlett Johansson in The Prestige, are treated almost as afterthoughts, plot necessities, or concessions to male viewers. They're gorgeous, but they're buttoned-up. Practically Victorian. You don't button up Scarlett Johansson, man. 

Maybe we're thinking about this all wrong. Three years ago, everyone pitied Heath Ledger for having to don Jack Nicholson's purple mantle. We would have called you nuts if you told us his Joker would become the definitive one. So, yeah, it's possible that Nolan will update and outdo Tim Burton once more. One thing's for sure: he'll again find a way to twist a ludicrous comic-book concept — a woman dresses like a drunk girl on Halloween to fight crime — into a relevant, piercing metaphor. A metaphor for what, though? How about for our unmeetable expectations when it comes to a catsuit? How about that?