New York Going Crazy ...

By @MzFilterless

Where are all my fellow Daily News readers? Have you read the papers this week? Article after article, one more heart breaking then the next. Each one proving my point on how important respect and communication are in a relationship. All across New York, it seems like you're either battling bedbugs or trying to avoid murder.

The first article was about a now heartsick father of a slain 2 year old boy in Brooklyn. After seeing his kid, just last weekend, running around and dancing like any normal 2 year old, Ameen Foster received that phone call every parent fears. To his surprise, the new boyfriend of the child's mother (whom Davis was unaware was living with his son), had beat the little boy to death. To know that this innocent and adorable child was killed over not reciting his ABC's is insanity to me. Now, I blame the mother 120%. A child's mind is impressionable enough, why do you already have another man around your 2 year old son in the first place? You can't tell me that woman saw no signs of an abusive personality. I can assure you, based on any sociopaths profile, that if a man had enough balls to strike a 2 year old with that type of force, he's without a doubt gone upside her head before too! My deepest condolences and continued prayers go out to this father and family.

Next, we have the continued coverage of Donna Cobb, the Harlem nurse who killed her abusive, drug addict  husband with a knife and a ceramic statue! I honestly don't know how to feel about this case. Trust me, I feel her on killing him for beating her like a throw rug for the last 10 years, BUT, she now left their 6 children fatherless! Why? She can never replace their father. This is what I mean when I said know yourself and your spouse. If you've been with a man for ten years and he's been beating you since year two ... I have to ask two questions. Why the hell did you marry him and why did you proceed to have children with him, (especially 6 of them)  knowing he ain't going to change? After year five, you truly know he's not going to change! There is definitely information missing from this story and I hope for the sake of her children she exposes that truth during her trial. It'd be a damn shame to see six more children caught in the system cuz their mother thought it would be easier to kill their father instead of just growing her backbone to divorce him. Now you're kids may be without both parents! Did you ever think of that? Or just yourself?

This week was filled with stories like this. If it wasn't murder, it was bedbugs, or suicides. New Yorkers ... get yourselves together! Last week, a little Brooklyn girl became 50Gs richer because she can text with lightning speed ... this week, another Brooklyn child got his life taken with lightning speed. Did I miss the part where we focus on the education of these kids? Nope, I didn't, everyone is too focused on the broadcasting the bad to even try to find a solution to things that could avoid these tragedies. If budget cuts didn't shut down Brooklyn daycare facilities, maybe that child would have had a safe place to go during the day!

Original Article on my blog
Picture Source: Google Images
New Source: The Daily News

In A Battle With "The New"

By: @MzFilterless

What happens when a relationship leaves that "hearts and flowers" stage and enters that era of comfort ability? I'll tell you what happens ... he no longer opens the door for you and you no longer "hold your tongue" when he goes out. He doesn't compliment you anymore, so you continue talking while you see he's watching the game! This is on the lighter end of the spectrum. Lately, I've found myself in almost constant conversation about relationships; long term relationships. Although everyone is so different, we're really not that far apart on the "I get fed up because ..." list.

Now, you all know I'm a firm believer of "the game changes after 2 years." Why all the changes happen at the two year mark is beyond me, but it's nonetheless annoying as hell!  Do we just wake up on that morning of our two year anniversary, look at our significant other and just say "I don't have to try no more, I got you already" ?!?!? Or is it really just our subconscious acting on our comfort ability?

Do you know how many times I've heard a guy say, "it's just not new and exciting no more," HORSESH*T! A relationship is and can only be what the two of you make it! One sided relationships never make it. Why? Because a relationship is with two people; equally divided. It's a bond that you share with someone. If we could all hold down relationships by ourselves, well... that's a whole different blog!

Fellas, realize that your girl/wife is a woman, and women are emotional and sensitive no matter how "hard" they come off. Despite how independent we may be, at the end of the day ... we love your attention, are flattered by your affection and are soothed for your touch. We can only initiate so much with you. It's up to you to keep the "back and forth" going. For example, if you see that your girl is trying to get your attention, give it to her. I'm not saying drop everything you are doing (although sometimes, that's all it takes to show her that she's that important to you.) But if it's not the right time, there's a way to say that to her without making her feel insignificant. It's a beautiful feeling when you're man comes right to you when he's not busy! Just remember guys, the last thing a woman wants to feel is unwanted. If you love her, don't ever let her feel like that even for a second!

Ladies, if you're not getting what you want from your man .. try giving him what you know he wants; whatever it may be. If you still don't get the attention or outcome that you were seeking, let him know. Again, there is a way to do this without transferring the negative energy that you already feel. If it still doesn't work, then maybe you need to reflect and re-evaluate.

The easiest way to start to spice up a relationship is to change the way you see your relationship. Instead of saying, "Damn, we've been together for years..." (and sigh afterwards,) try thinking of it as if, "everyday is brand new." I shouldn't have to say this, but I will for all intensive purposes. Don't think that just because you change the way you see something that you no longer have to take action! ALWAYS PUT MEANING BEHIND YOUR WORDS AND THOUGHTS!

As a couple ... experience different things together. Go out and see the world. If you're local in NY, don't even try to tell me that there's nothing to do or that you've already done everything. Every trip into the City brings a new adventure! New sidewalk events, new bums on the corner who talk to themselves, new bars or lounges opening up. And at the very least , YOU have the power to divulge in new conversation while walking through Central Park! So, I don't even wanna hear your bs excuses as to why you can't spice your relationship up.

If you can honestly tell me that you've tried everything and it still didn't work ... then I can honestly say, neither will your relationship!!! Because YOU obviously don't want to make it work. Relationships are a give and take just as much as time is money! Hmmm, think about that and get back to me.

Picture Source: Google Images

Original (Uncensored) article on my blog

Are You Loyal or Just A Sucker?!?

By @MzFilterless

How does someone differentiate betwen being a loyal partner or a sucker for love? Where do we draw the line? Yes, especially in this day and age, we all have our flaws, find ourselves in hard places and/or are just struggling to get ahead. Everyone who is in a relationship knows how hard it can be to accomplish a personal goal when you're actions directly affect someone else. Here's a few situations that are common in relationships, but can be quite sticky ones if not handled correctly (or with malicious intent.)

1. The Continuously Unemployed Partner : First, ask yourself this, how long have they been without a job? We're in a recession people! Don't start questioning your spouses loyalty to you just because they haven't worked in a few months! Focus on what they are doing to find a job instead of how long they've been out of work. You always want to handle this situation with delicacy until you get your facts straight, especially when dealing with a man. Ladies, he is a MAN, and his pride AS A MAN will always be on a defense if he is not earning FOR HIMSELF! Respect that boundary, understand that this is not about YOu even though it affects you, but don't let him take advantage. Find that common understanding.

2. Too Much Freedom : It's cool to have that breathing room in your relationship; that freedom to not be anally retentive to each other's hip. But, this "privellage" is not always given before earned and can just as easily be abused. Personally, I'm old-fashion when it comes to this. It's a gender thing to me. There's certain situations us, as females in a rleationship, should never put ourselves in (despite how much freedom we are given.) Perfect examples, being at parties or clubs without our man. ACT ACCORDINGLY! Just because you're man ain't physically with you doesn't mean he doesn't exist. If you go to the club, get drunk and act a fool ... those are your actions ... be prepared to take whatever responsibility they come with it.

3. Public Communication and Image : If your relationship is anything like mine; that's my best friend. We speak to each other abruptly; no punches, no sugar coating! Straight facts, just the way I like it, even if I don't want to hear what he's saying! BUT, there is a time and a place for everything. Certain things should only be said or spoken about in private. If your partner is constantly airing out personal business in front of mixed company, you may wanna look closer into that!

4. Sharing is Caring (or in this case growing) : Not everything you do in your own life is going to involve your partner. Take a quick look at the aspects of your life that don't involve them. Are they still interested in them? These aspects are key, (in my eyes), to keeping your own identity while cultivating your life together. I call them the escapes. My main escape is my writing, his, is his Xbox; nothing to do with each other. However, it brings us closer as the "team" we are, when I play a game or two with him or he occasionally comes with me to my Poetry Slams ... what does yours do for you? Or you for yours?

I could go on forever, but the point is, human nature is a b*tch. It's very easy to mistake kindness for weakness or take advantage of the comfortability aspect of your relationship. In order to maintain and build a healthy relatinship, you first want to make sure that you have one!

Picture Source: http://www.freakygaming.com/

Utilizing Your Ex for In Between Sex

By @MzFilterless

After getting into a heated debate with some friends, I'm taking this convo to the readers!!!


Is it so wrong to go back to "sex an ex" in between relationships?!?!?

Now before you answer think about this first... the difference between males and females!



A male can do whatever (or whoever) he wants without being labeled. Everyone knows this is not the case for females. Here's my logic, as a female... In between relationships, no respectable girl is just gonna run ramped in the sea of penis! Yes, I said sea of penis! However, you tell me what guy is going to turn down a booty call,? Especially one as easy as an ex! Casual sex is dangerous these days ... too many people runnin' around with Lord only knows what types of diseases. For the most part, you know where an ex has been. Why increase your numbers as a female when you can just utilize and ex for the night?!?!

It's not like I'm filling any one's head with false hope. If I tell you straight out, "this is just a fling," what's the problem?!?!? Just because we didn't make it as a couple, doesn't mean we weren't bedroom compatible!!! Am I right?


Picture Source: Google Images

The 3 Reasons for Sex In Relationships

By @MzFilterless

Now, everyone knows that having casual sex when you're single is much different than having sex while in a relationship. There is no rhyme or reason for having just casual sex.... you're both feelin' each other in that moment ... nuff said.

Once you're in a relationship, however, especially one that has stretched passed that 2 year mark; the rules for sex changes dramatically!

Here's the 3 "Golden Reasons" ...

Hate/Make Up Sex - Never underestimate or take advantage of this rule. This is probably the best sex you will ever have, in my personal opinion. I'm not gonna lie, like many females, sometimes just to spice things up a bit, I'll pick a fight over something stupid just to apologize and engage in that ever-so-fun Make Up Sex session!

Mutual Sex - Pretty self explanatory. Just because you've been together forever doesn't mean you'll never again be in the mood at the same time! Mutual sex is whatever you make it. I refer to this as just plain sex, routine... pretty much normal.

Now everyone pay attention to this last one. It is the MOST IMPORTANT and the MOST NEGLECTED!!!!

Body Cavity Sex - Now, people, listen up! Whether you are male or female this Golden Rule WILL apply to you at some point in your relationship. When you enter in a relationship, you are entering into an unwritten contract to take care of each other. This includes sexual needs. There is going to come a time where only one of you is "in the mood." It is, I repeat, the obligation (and common courtesy) of their partner to be the body cavity. Take one for the team, so to speak! At the end of the day, you do love the person and are attracted to them or else you wouldn't be with them. So, just lay there if you must and let your partner get that release! Trust me, avoiding the attitude that will surely come after you deny your partner that release (on top of all the obvious perks of sex) will be well worth it.

Ladies, whether you want to admit it or not, we get just as cranky and testy as men if we haven't had sex. It's human nature. Embrace it, deal with it and learn to live with it! And if you find yourself in the position where you're just not in the mood to have sex and your man is rubbing up on you trying to get you in the mood ~~~> Just play Pillow Princess and let him to the work. If you go that entire "session" just waiting for it to be over ... I'd re-evaluate how you really feel about your man ...

Stalker Status

By @MzFilterless

I heard the most disturbing thing come out of someones mouth today! While I was listening to one of my guy friends rant n rave about his girlfriend, he said something to me that caught me completely off guard! Like every other young female, she decided to go out with her girls (which is perfectly healthy,) but she lied to him and told him she was home sick (typical smut move.) Although she was quite convincing, he knew she was lying because he GPS'd her phone ~~~~~> WHOOOOAAAAA! THIS is an absolute NO NO!!!

I do not care if you know for actual factual that ya girl/guy is lying to you. Under NO circumstance is it okay to track someone down like that! This is certified stalker status! If ya girl is lying to you over dumb sh*t like that...just dead her. You really don't want to be with someone who is so weak that they have to lie to you just to spend time with her girls? First off, I guarantee you that she was with someone else (not her girlies!) Secondly, if she was with her girls, what was she doing with them that she felt she had to lie to you?

Male or female, take this advice... when someone lies to you... ask yourself the reason behind their lies. Someone once said that a lie is never told unless the truth is deemed more dangerous! WORDS TO LIVE BY!

As far as the "stalker status" goes, this is a trait that will follow you forever. You will now be thought of as the guy who stalks and tracks his girl down when she either doesn't answer the phone or is out without "supervision"! She's not a toddler... if she needs supervision than she doesn't need to be your girl! Let someone else deal with that headache!

The Art Of Flirting

By: Jo Anne @MzFilterless

It always did amaze me how the simple act of flirting, which usually starts a relationship, could just as easily end one. But does it have to? Like anything else in this world, even the act of flirting could maintain the balance of any relationship if used correctly. Flirting is an act of our human nature and under normal circumstances, occurs subconsciously. (LADIES, I repeat self-consciously!!!! Our men know not what they do lol)

Our eyes see something which attracts us, leaving our mind and body language to react accordingly. Such a simple act could hold the power to alter even our most vial mood, if we allow it to. Take yourself out of the relationship for a moment. You are now a single entity, waiting on line at the supermarket thinking about the days events thus far. Today, your hair didn't come out as sleek as usual, you're not too thrilled about the outfit you have on and/or you're just having one of those days where without warrant, you just don't feel beautiful. Now, despite the reason, the stranger standing behind you strikes up a conversation and happens to mention what beautiful eyes you have. Suddenly, you don't seem to notice what outfit you are wearing, your frizzy hair doesn't seem to matter as much and you find yourself standing on the same line with a smile. Compliments are a form of flirting. Flirting can only cause as much damage as you allow it. Now granted, not everyone has the same intentions when they flirt. However if you are in a relationship, a line of trust should have already been established. The world is not going to stop being attractive just because you are now in a relationship. Your partner is not going to be the only person that you are attracted to. Though they do remain the reason that you now have to balance your human nature and your self control. I've learned that despite how great it would be in a perfect world, in the realm of reality which we live in, it is utterly impossible for one person to be everything another needs. We need to embrace the power of flirting with others without abusing it. Flirting is not just an act for the single population. If you awoke on that same day as a married woman laying next to your husband who, like any man, is not as in touch with his emotions as you are. Maybe he doesn't verbally express to you how beautiful he thinks you are, as often as you woudl like to hear it. That doesn't mean he doesn't believe you are beautiful, but it doesn't make you feel any more secure at the same time. Now you're off to the same supermarket, with the same frizzy hair and the same faded sweatsuit. The same man approaches you and throws the same compliment your way. Instead of carrying a grudge home with you that another man appreciates you more than your husband, embrace the compliment for yourself. Allow yourself to absorb the compliment and feel good about yourself because at the end of the day, your opinion of yourself warrants how everyone else sees you. Now you can go home with a confident attitude and appreciate the fact that despite how many other guys out there think you are beautiful, you are returning home to the one person who was so convinced, he made you his wife.

Everyone has their "off-days." Though, we as people, do not all need the same things in life to feel good about ourselves. Some of us find that boost of confidence in the compliments and attention from others. And some of us find that same confidence within ourselves. Who is to say one is more secure than the other? This is the beauty of a relationship. Not only are you sharing your existence with someone, you are sharing your strengths and weaknesses as well. You have to know your partner and more importantly trust them. Although flirting could be a very useful tool in keeping the balance of life, there are many different reasons why people flirt. I cannot express enough that although mainstream society has embeded in our heads that we only flirt in attempts to seduce...this is not the only reason. Again, only you know your partner. If you know that in the years you have been with them you have never known them to be a flirtatous person, and they now acquire that trait, ask yourself why. Everyone, despite age, gender, race or religion, appreciates positive recognition. Sometimes, moreso in relationships, that recognition doesnt seem to mean as much when it comes from a person who loves you unconditionally. Here is where the power of flirting can strengthen a relationship. When a stranger tells you something that your significant other has been telling you all the while, it solidifies it.

Flirting is completely harmless until jealousy and/or insecurity take over. If you know your partner is attractive, expect people to flirt with them. When an attractive person steps outside, they subconsciously keep inmind that someone throughout the day will flirt with them. It is how they chose to react to the gesture that sets the precedent. Although I have expressed the more positive outlook on flirting, never be naive. If you are with someone who you find flirts with others more than they flirt with you, address the problem maturely and act accordingly. There are too many peple out there who know they cannot handle being in a loyal relationship but feel that just because they are not physicaly cheating, they can flirt as much as they want. Trust me when I say, people like this WILL eventually lose the battle with themselves and cheat. You can't win em all! But we can beat the game by loving ourselves. No one should ever love you more than you love yourself. Confidnece in your partner, your relationship and yourself can take you a long way when it comes to embracing and recognizing the power of flirting.